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I went upstairs to my apartment as soon as I got home from class, as usual.  I untied my calf-length dark hair and brushed out the knots I always seemed to accumulate over the course of the day, but I couldn't help thinking about it.  

"You'd never do it.  You'd never donate your hair to Locks of Love," my classmates said.  It's not like this came out of nowhere; the elastic holding my hair in its usual bun snapped and it all fell down as I scrambled to grab another hairtie out of my bag to fix it.  They weren't mean about it, to their credit, but there was definitely an undertone of a dare to their probing.  One guy even had a measuring tape in his bag, which he used to measure my unruly mane.  

"Fifty-four inches from the nape of your neck to the tips.  How can you stand having all that hair, especially in this weather?"  I don't know what they meant by this weather, as it's pretty typical Midwestern October weather- chilly enough to require a sweater or light jacket, and very windy.  

"It's not as bad as you seem to think.  I tie it up before I leave the house and it usually isn't a problem.  Besides, my hair likes to do its own thing, and I don't think it would cooperate if it were shorter."

"Still, it's gotta be really heavy.  How do you not get headaches from it?"

Actually, I do get headaches, but I wasn't about to admit that to them.  Truth be told, I had a headache now as I was brushing it.  I turned toward the full-length mirror on the wall and started twisting my hair back up when I paused for a minute.  I pulled it taut and lifted it so that it looked like it was chin-length.  Interesting, I thought to myself, but way shorter than I'd ever had it.  I've been growing it out for 8 years, maybe I should do something with it.

I got online and typed "hairstyle galleries" into Google to see what I would get.  I clicked on one labelled "celebrity hairstyles" and started flipping through it.  Not much variety here, I mused.  All variations on the same shoulder-length layers idea.  Maybe I'll try YouTube to see if I can find some makeover videos... and a couple hours later I still didn't find anything I liked.  Maybe I'll just have to do something myself; besides, I could always go someplace and get it fixed up if it ends up looking really bad.  

I got back from Walgreens about a half hour later with my new $30 haircutting kit, figuring the shears in the kit would have to be better than what I had.  Now to get to work.

I brushed my hair until I was sure there were no knots left when my stomach started rumbling.  Damn, I thought, just when I was ready to do it.  Oh well, I can watch TV while I eat and maybe get some new ideas or just work up the nerve to do this or whatever.  So I turned on the tube as I started heating up my leftovers from the night before, flipping through the channels and finding nothing.  I ate quickly and went back in the bathroom.

I brushed my hair again, making sure there were no tangles in it and opened up my new kit on the vanity.  Combs of various sorts, a couple pairs of shears, and... clippers?  I didn't realize those were in there.  Well, then.  I'll set them aside for now.  I pulled out a ruler to measure my hair again, trying to decide how much I wanted to cut.  My classmate's measurement of 54 inches was from the nape of my neck; I was curious to know how long it was from the top of my head, so I put the tip of the ruler against my scalp and measured.  And measured.  And measured.  I finally got to the tip and realized that I was at 62 inches.  62?!  That's a lot of hair.  I set the ruler down and starting pulling my hair into a ponytail at my shoulders, figuring that was as good a place to cut as any- it would take off a lot of length, and still allow me some leeway if it was uneven.

Shorter, said the little voice in my head.  Don't be a wuss and do like everyone else.  If you're going to do this, do it right.

Ahh, my little inner devil.  I thought about it for a moment and realized it was right.  I took the ponytail out and re-fastened it higher, at the middle of my neck.

You know you want to go shorter, said the voice.  How much shorter am I supposed to go, though, I wondered.  Nevertheless, I undid the ponytail and refastened at the nape of my neck.

Then I had a thought.  I went back to my computer, at the "celebrity hairstyles" website I was looking at, and clicked on "search by celebrity".  I scrolled through the list until I found a name that I recognized and picked it.  The first picture in the slideshow struck me as exactly the look I wanted.

I went back to the bathroom, undid the ponytail and pulled my hair up above the occipital bone.  I tied it off and tugged it a little bit loose, so that the pony flopped down and it looked limp.  Now, how do I want to do this?  Cut the pony first and then finish the job, or do it all at once?

I decided it would be less work to do it all at once.  I grabbed the instruction manual and started reading about how to work the clippers.  Put a couple drops of oil on the blade, it said.  Okay, done.  Then pick the guard you want.  I looked at the guards, confused, until I realized that they had the lengths printed on them.  This I can work with; how short do I want this?  1/8 inch?  I measured quickly with the ruler.  No way, that would feel like sandpaper.  1/4 inch?  I measured again with the ruler.  Maybe.  But we'll try going longer first.  1 inch?  The 1" guard looked too long for the style in the picture.  Maybe 1/2 inch?  That should work.  I clicked the guard onto the blades, plugged in the clippers, and flipped them on.  The whirring sound is quieter than I expected, I guess.  Here goes.

I figure it'll be easier to do this from underneath and go toward the top of my head, that way I can rest the pony on the counter and not have it pull so much.  I flip my hair so that it hangs past my eyes, hold the guarded clippers to my neck, and make the first push upward.  That's kind of a nice feeling, like a head massage, and- oh my god!  I felt the hair starting to release its tension as I push the clippers up.  Well I guess I'm committed now.  I stop at the occipital bone, and slide the clippers up from the bottom again, feeling the tension being released more and more as I keep going up.  After I finished the underside, I start on the sides.  I slide the clippers up along the hairline behind my left ear and push until I feel the hair released from the little sideburn.  I do the same on the right side, then go up from behing my ears up to the crown on each side, enjoying how light my head is starting to feel.  Finally the top.  I clear the cut ends to the side, not wanting them to get caught in the clippers.  I push forward, down to my forehead, watching more and more hair spring free, until finally there is only one little strip left to cut.  I push the clippers through, and grab the ponytail to keep it from falling in the sink as the last lock comes off. I run the clippers over my whole head one more time, to make sure I didn't miss any strays, and when I'm done I flick off the clippers and unplug them from the wall.  

Do I want to look at the damage yet, I wonder.  I look at the ponytail in my hand and realize I should braid it to make sure it stays in good shape for when I send it in, so I set the lid of the toilet seat down, plop my behind down, and start braiding.  After what seems like forever, I am finally done, and set the enormous braid on the counter.  I decide to measure it one last time, just because I want to put off looking at my new haircut a little longer.  61 inches!  It's so heavy I could probably beat someone with it and leave welts.  I go into the kitchen and get a plastic bag to put the braid in, until I get the envelope and everything ready.  

Now for the best part, I thought.  Time to see what it actually looks like, what it feels like.  I close my eyes and step in front of the bathroom sink.  I lift my arms up to feel my new hair; it's so soft!  At this, I open my eyes to see a nice dark SHORT carpet of fuzz on my head.  All my features look so big and so prominent, I can't even believe it.  And to top it all off, my head is so light!  I can't believe I just cut all my hair off.

You just can't believe you never went short sooner, says the little inner devil.  And you love this so much you'll never go back to long hair.

The little devil is right, I can't believe how wonderful this is. 

    I wake up the next morning to my alarm ringing at 5:30.  I drag myself out of bed, and as I go to get in the shower, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  Wait, my groggy mind says, you don't need an hour to do your hair anymore, and  you don't have class until 8.  Go back to bed.

Which I do, and sleep until 6:55.  I get ready faster than ever before, and even have time for breakfast before I head out to class.  Then I realize- class!  I wonder what those chumps are going to say to this.  Actually, no, I don't care what they're going to say.  I like this haircut and that's all that matters.  I walk out the door and as soon as I get outside I feel the breeze on my neck.  That's different, but I like it.  After 15 minutes, I get to the lecture hall and pause before I go in.  Ready or not, you're going to hear a lot about this.  I pull open the door and walk to my seat like nothing's changed.  All of a sudden-

"What did you do to yourself?"

"AAAAHHHHH!!!"

"I...you... wow!"

"Oh my god, when I said you should cut your hair I didn't mean that short! And besides, I was kidding!"

The last one came from the guy with the tape measure.  I feel bad because I don't know his name and yet he planted the seed of this whole thing in my head.  So I turn to him-

"What?  You don't like it?"

"Are you kidding?  You look like Natalie Portman after she did 'V for Vendetta'! Very hot!"

I didn't have the heart to tell him that was exactly the picture I was looking at last night when I decided to do this.  Besides, the professor came in and was ready to start his lecture, so I didn't get a chance to say anything more.

An hour later, the lecture was over and I felt something flutter over my shoulder into my lap.  I turned to look but everyone behind me was gone.  I opened up the scrap of paper and saw a name and number:

"Steve, the tape-measure guy.  Let's go out sometime.  654-9821."

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