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This story is not meant to endorse a particular political party or point of view. I have always wanted to do a haircut bet story involving an election. Looking at the latest political theater on cable, I decided the upcoming presidential election would be a good plot point for such a story. 

November 6, 2012

Election Day 

“At 10:00PM Eastern Standard Time we can report history. Mitt Romney will be the 45^th President of the United States of America." 

“YES!" Lisa exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. 

My heart sank. It was over. 

President Obama was in the process of being crushed in a landslide defeat by his Republican challenger. So much so that the networks were ready to call the election at 10PM on the East Coast. We had a coin flip at the beginning of the night to see if we would watch the results on MSNBC or Fox News. Of course I lost it and I was subjected to watching Fox News gloat every time Romney flipped a state that Obama had won in 2008. Each time Lisa would clap and giggle giddily. 

I had a lot invested in President Obama tonight. Not only was I a supporter of him and his policies but I also had a huge bet going with my friend Lisa. 

Lisa turned and looked at me. She had a mischievous look in her eye and a smile from ear to ear. “Aww, looks like America came to its senses and voted out your socialist hero." 

***

Lisa was a Republican from a small town in Missouri. She joined my company and we became unlikely friends. I was about as Liberal as they come. I attended the Occupy protests, I always vote Democrat, and I drive a Hybrid car. Lisa on the other hand attends Tea Party rallies, drives a gas-guzzling SUV, and is a lifelong Conservative Republican. We got into many heated arguments during the Republican Primary process. When Romney was finally chosen as the nominee I was so confident of my candidate’s chances that I challenged Lisa to a little wager. 

If President Obama won reelection, I could take Lisa to the salon of my choice and have her hair cut in any way I chose. If Governor Romney won, she could do the same to me with my hair. Our only condition was that neither of our heads would be shaved bald. I definitely had more to lose on this bet and looking back it was the stupidest bet I could have made. The economy never rebounded and the public just got tired of the president’s perceived lack of leadership. I figured in the end the public would come to their senses. But that didn’t happen. 

If I had won, my plan was to take Lisa to my salon and have my stylist turn her brown bob into a pixie cut like Morena Baccarin. I had absolutely no idea what Lisa had planned for me but I knew that it involved all my hair being chopped off.

***

Lisa started stroking my long curly, black hair in her hand. 

“Looks like all of these curls belong to me now. I bet you’re dying to know what I have in store for you, hmm? Well I don’t want to ruin the surprise." 

My mind was racing. My mouth felt devoid of all moisture. I figured it couldn’t hurt to try to be humble. Maybe she would have mercy. “C…congratulations, Lisa. You’re candidate had the better campaign." 

She saw right through it. “Ha! Don’t think by buttering me up you can get out of this, Stacey. Typical Liberal. You write checks your ass can’t cash and then when the bill comes due you try to run instead of paying it off. It’s over. You lost. Now its time to face the music." 

God, I never thought I could hate someone so much as I hated her at that moment. 

Lisa patted my knee and got up. “Well, it’s getting pretty late and you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow. I want you to try to get some rest. Meet me at Walt’s Barber Shop tomorrow at noon sharp." 

I couldn’t believe my ears. “Barber Shop?!?!?!?" 

“Oh relax, you big baby. They cut women’s hair too. In fact I have an appointment with a good friend of mine all lined up tomorrow for you. And be sure to wear your Obama t-shirt. Sleep tight!" 

Lisa left and I was alone with my thoughts. I cried myself to sleep that night holding onto my black curls. I had no idea what was going to happen the next day but I knew that chances are it was going to be a long time before my hair was this long and full again. 

November 7, 2012

The Day After Election Day 

The alarm woke me up the next morning. Lisa and I had both put in for vacation days for that Wednesday morning so there was no need to call out of work. I did my morning routine. I took a shower and washed my long hair savoring every last minute I had with it. I combed it out. I would normally have cried but I think I used up all my tears the night before. I managed to choke down some breakfast and I put on my Obama t-shirt and jeans. 

I checked Facebook and of course she had updated her profile to include that she won and that I’d be showing up for work on Thursday with a brand new haircut. 24 people had liked her status. I was nauseous. 

The drive over to Walt’s was a blur. I couldn’t tell you if there was a lot of traffic, what the weather was like, or what was on the radio. I’m lucky I didn’t have an accident. 

I pulled into the parking lot and saw Lisa waiting for me in her SUV. She again was smiling ear to ear like a kid on Christmas morning. She greeted me with a hug and said that she’d been looking forward to this all year. 

She opened the door for me and I walked inside. I had been in a barbershop once or twice growing up when my mom stopped to get my brother’s haircut but I really didn’t remember specifics. This was a whole new world to me. The smell was like nothing I have ever smelled before. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. All throughout the shop the sound of buzzing electric clippers filled the air. 

With it being a weekday it wasn’t that busy luckily. I could get this over with and not have that many people show up. There were three chairs in the shop. It was an old fashioned no-nonsense men’s barbershop. I could tell that this was Lisa’s type of place. There were American flags all over the wall, old Marine Corps insignias and posters, and of course pictures of Ronald Reagan. 

The first chair was occupied by a handsome 30-something guy getting a buzzcut by an older man who I assumed was Walt. Walt noticed us and welcomed us in. “Hello, ladies. I assume you’re here to see Gina?" 

“Yes, sir" Lisa replied eagerly. 

Walt smiled. “Well, she’s in the back taking a phone call. Go ahead and sign in and have a seat, she’ll be with you in a minute." 

Lisa motioned with her head for me to go up to the front desk. I went up and saw a sign in sheet. I wrote my name down, my arrival time, and under requested barber I wrote down Gina. 

I sat down next to Lisa in the waiting area. I had never and have never been as nervous as that moment. I heard Gina in the back talking. Her voice was sultry and low, kind of like Kathleen Turner’s. She hung up the phone and I could hear her footsteps getting louder as she approached the front of the shop. 

Out of the back came a buxom little spitfire. She was maybe 5’ 2", dressed in a tight black t-shirt, black jeans, and sneakers. She had some extra weight but in all the right places. She had brown hair cut into a super short pixie cut, very similar to the haircut I was going to give Lisa had I won our bet. 

Lisa got up and the two immediately hugged and acted as though they hadn’t seen each other in a long time. Gina looked over at me. “So, is this the Little Miss Liberal who’s going to be getting a haircut today?"

Lisa laughed aloud. “Yep, this is Stacey!" 

Gina patted the barber chair. “Come on, Stacey. Have a seat and let’s get that debt paid off." I stumbled over to the chair and sat down. Lisa took her seat in one of the waiting area chairs. 

“You did a great job in picking this appointment, Lisa. You just beat the lunchtime rush. In fact, they should start pouring in any minute now." 

At this moment I realized that Lisa was even more devious than I gave her credit for. Here I thought she picked a time that wasn’t busy to maybe have some mercy on me but instead she purposely made an appointment right at the busiest time so more people could watch my haircut. 

Gina spun me around away from the mirror so I was now facing the waiting area. Lisa met my eyeline. I looked down in defeat. 

“Alright, let’s get started then."  Gina said. I heard some rustling behind me and felt a cloth strip being put around my neck. It wrapped completely around and fastened tightly in the back. “Is that too tight, Stacey?" 

“Actually it is a bit uncomf…" 

“Oh, you’ll live!" Gina interrupted. She took my hair up and fastened it with a clip. There was more rustling behind me followed by Gina draping a white barber’s cape around me. She undid the hair clip and my hair fell to its normal length. 

At that moment people began coming into the shop. The waiting area started to fill up with men of all ages here for haircuts during their lunch hour. My humiliating haircut was about to become a public spectacle. I could hear lots of murmuring and questions being asked about my presence. 

Gina walked around behind me and was preparing some items on the counter. She pushed my head down so that my chin was touching my chest. I stared down at the white cape and my sneakers. My breathing was picking up. I was panicking. I couldn’t imagine what was coming next. 

Suddenly I heard a loud pop followed by a continued Bzzzzzzzz. 

I picked my head up.  “Wait, wh…" 

Gina pushed my head back down. “Chin on your chest. This will be over soon enough." 

I felt a cold metal object being place on the nape of my neck. I shuddered as I felt it drive up the back of my head stopping at my crown.

I could hear Lisa. “Ohhh, yeah. There it goes. Kiss it goodbye!" 

Gina made several more passes up the back of my head. I could feel cool air on the areas that she was shaving. A feeling that I had never felt up until that point. Long pieces of curly black hair started to rain down the cape. 

Gina moved to my right side and adjusted my head so I was staring straight ahead once again. Gina placed the vile buzzing object next to my ear and drove it upwards. 

Lisa was enjoying this immensely. Seeing her gloating while I’m sitting here having my beautiful hair ravaged was too much. The tears began to come. 

Seeing this, Lisa made a pouty face. “Aww, the tough Liberal chick is getting cut down to size." 

I could hear one of the guys ask Lisa what was going on. Lisa told him about the bet. Several of the guys waiting began to laugh out loud. 

Gina moved around and attacked the hair on the left side of my head. God, will this never end? I thought to myself. What am I going to look like? 

The clippers were finally turned off. Gina turned to Lisa. “So Lisa, how does this look? Do you want to come and feel it?" 

“Oh yeah, let’s see." 

Lisa came up and walked behind me. I suddenly felt two cold hands run up the back of my head and across each side. I sighed audibly as I tried to control my tears and breathing. 

“Oh this is perfect, Gina. A zero. Just the way I wanted." 

Lisa unexpectedly blew cool air on the back of my head. I shivered at the cold and highly unusual feeling. God, all these people sitting here watching this girl get her hair buzzed off and they see her pathetically shivering like a moron. 

“Y-you told me I wouldn’t be bald…" 

 Lisa came around to my front. She reached up and grabbed the untouched black curls on top of my head forcing me to look in her eyes. 

 “As much as I would love to have Gina here shave you bald as a cueball, I am a woman of my word. You’re not going to be bald. There isn’t going to be much hair left on your head but you won’t be bald." 

“Gee…thanks." 

Lisa let go of my hair and I looked away. 

“Gina, I know I said a #2 on top to you on the phone the other day but let’s go ahead and make it a #1. You don’t know how awesome this is to see Stacey like this. She struts around the office toying with all the guys with her long thick hair. Let’s see her strut around and impress everyone with her new buzzcut." 

I could hear Gina adjusting the clippers behind me. I saw her appear to my side. 

“Here we go. #1 on top." 

The clippers approached my forehead and before I knew what hit me Gina was driving the clippers repeated over and over the top of my head. In what seemed like less than a minute she was done. 

“Alright Miss. Liberal, the bulk of the work is done, I just need to do some touching up. We’ll have you out of here with your new haircut in no time." 

I dazed off into space for the remainder of the haircut. 

I started to think about what happens when I leave. What am I going to tell people? The people at work? My family and friends? There’s no way I’m going to be able to get a date looking like this. I’ve been trying to get a promotion at work. There’s no way that’s going to happen now. 

After I don’t know how long Gina stopped clipping my head. 

“All done. How does that look to you, Lisa? 

“Fantastic, Gina. What do you say we spin her around and let her get a look at the new Stacey?" 

I wasn’t ready for this. I looked down at the cape which was covered with black hair of all lengths. As I was being spun around, I noticed the floor was absolutely layered in black curls. 

I took a couple of deep breaths and looked up. The person I saw looking back at me in the mirror was a complete stranger. The Stacey I know had thick beautiful curly hair. The woman in the mirror looking back at me looked like a new recruit. The back and sides of my head were completely bare. I am an outdoorsy girl and normally have a healthy color to my face. The color of my head was a pale white. I even noticed some freckles that I had no idea even existed. There was a mere dark peach fuzz on the top of my head. The only time I’ve seen a haircut like this was in that Jake Gyllenhaal movie about the marines. 

Gina undid the cape and the paper strip around my neck and dusted off my bare neck and my face. “All done. I have to say this is a much better look for you. Hopefully this will teach you that the rest of America isn’t nearly as leftist as you are, darling." 

Gina gave the top of my head a quick rub. “It’s been a pleasure. Drop by again if you decide you want to keep this look." 

I got up and felt like I had been hit by a truck. I decided that sooner or later I would have to touch my head so why not get it over with. The top of my head felt like a buzzcut. I’ve had past boyfriends who had kept their hair cut this short. The back and sides of my head however felt like the faintest of stubble. Maybe a couple days of beard growth. This was bad. 

Lisa chimed in. “Hate to interrupt you there but you need to pay Gina for your haircut. And be sure to include a nice tip since she did such a great job. They don’t take credit cards here, so be sure to pay in cash." 

“I didn’t bring any cash, Lisa. I thought with the bet that I wouldn’t have to pay." 

“HAHAHA. Think again, Stacey. Gina, Stacey here doesn’t have any money. What would her haircut normally go for?" 

“Well normally a men’s clipper cut is $15 but considering how much hair she had and the amount of work it would be $30. If she doesn’t have any money we can always have her sweep up here for the rest of the day to work it off." 

“Perfect! That will give more of your customers a chance to get a look at your handiwork. Stacey, the shop closes at 6. Sweeping up until then should equal the cost of your haircut." 

So for the rest of the day I swept up after Gina. She had me start by sweeping up all of my black curls and throwing them in the trashcan. I have a new respect for people that work in a barbershop. It was not easy to be on your feet all day. I went home at 6:00 that night with sore feet and a buzzcut. I was dreading going into work the next day. 

Epilogue 

My return to work ended up being more humiliating that I could have imagined in my worst nightmares. I got stares, giggles behind my back, people rubbing my head without asking, and Lisa making snide comments everywhere I turned. But what really made it horrifying was when my boss called me into her office. She told me that she had a promotion all lined up for me but because of my recent behavior, I wasn’t ready to be a manager. When she said behavior she looked up at my head. She decided to give the job to Lisa. I am going to be reporting to Lisa starting Monday morning. 

I have no clue what I am going to do. I can’t quit my job. I owe thousands in student loans, credit card bills, car payments, and I have rent to pay. My only option seems to be showing up bright and early Monday morning and following Lisa’s every instruction and hoping that she doesn’t make routine visits to Gina a requirement for my new job. But I think I know deep down that my curls aren’t going to be growing back any time soon.

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